A friend reached out to me for advice. She is a woman born in another country, whose family fled to the United States in the 1980’s. Her parents uprooted the entire family for a better life. Today, she was defeated and deflated just like most of the people in America but what makes her really sad is the fact that she just learned that her mother voted for Trump and was joyous of his triumph. The mother told one of her siblings today that “the people have spoken…it is time for a change and Trump will bring progress to this country. If your Grandpa was alive he would have been so happy with the result of this election.”

They have a weekly family dinner scheduled every Thursday, which makes me a bit jealous every time I hear stories about these dinners as I don’t see my Mom and sisters often enough. My friend doesn’t want to go to this dinner tomorrow night but didn’t know how to tell her mother the real reason for her absence. She doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. We talked for a while and I learned more about her in 45 minutes than the last eight years I’ve known her. She was in my thoughts last night as I thought of a topic for my blog: I thought of what she might write to her mother…

Dear Mother,

I had a conversation with Ari early today and he shared with me that you called him this morning to let him know how happy you are with the result of the election. Ari didn’t want to get in the argument with you so he ended the conversation quick. He told me how pleased you are about Trump’s election as commander-in-chief, and the great changes that are about to come. Ari was devastated and more so now that he had spoken with you. Now I am torn whether I should see you tomorrow night for our weekly family dinner or not. You see, I’m worried that now that I have this information about you, I might say something that will end up hurting both of us in the end…and I don’t want that to happen. After all, you are more important to me than any asshole elected as president or any intelligent, capable, classy woman who should be the leader of our great nation. I should let you know that this news makes me very sad, confused, and quite ashamed.

Many questions, thoughts, and memories came to my mind. How could my mother vote for someone like Trump? I understood when you voted for Bush and McCain…after all, you’re a life-long Republican. It is America, and you cast your vote any way you want. But your vote yesterday meant something else than simply voting for a Republican candidate. I can’t comprehend how my immigrant mother could vote for a bigot, a bully, someone disrespectful to women, someone who makes fun of the disabled, has no regard for the veterans, hates homosexuals, and thinks that immigrants and Muslims should be vanished from this country. How could my mother vote for someone who plans to set us back for decades by changing the laws that protect women, minorities, religion, and gender equality? In my mind you voted for everything that is the opposite of what America is about.

I want to jog your memory a bit and also give you some information about your family. Not that it matters now: you’ve already voted.

Do you remember when Lena got pregnant at 17 by some guy she just started dating? That was 20 years ago. You took her to a clinic to get an abortion because it wouldn’t be right for her to be a mother at 17. My friend’s daughter Jasmine got pregnant last year and her mom and I took her to a clinic to get an abortion. She was just about to start college too. Didn’t Aunt Stella get an abortion during her late 30’s because she didn’t want any more kids with the new boyfriend? Wow, what a mess we are. We sound like a bunch of careless human beings…although this probably happens to more women than we think. But we had to do what we had to do for different reasons. Regardless, I am thankful that we had the choice and the resources to take care of our lives and didn’t have to sneak into some unsafe illegal clinics. What a scary thought. Even during those tough moments in our life, we were silently grateful that there were means to our woes.

I also thought of your gay friend Leo. Did you think about him when you voted for Trump? But I don’t even have to go that far. Ari is gay…one of your own kids! Did you think about him when you voted for Trump? Remember when he came out a few years ago and we all said that we love him and want him to be happy? Happiness and love, that’s all. But we know that life will be a little tougher for him. You just voted for someone who will be biased against your son because of who he loves.

I know that you believe that Trump will make America great again. It was never “not great” in my opinion. So, now I think that what you think will make America great again is a President who is white and male. This makes me weep.

I love you, Mom, and I always will. But a part of me feels shattered because I want so much to look up to you as my role model, and to tell your grandkids that their grandmother is someone who fights for what’s right. Don’t worry they love you to death and I will make sure that doesn’t change. Although, one of them asked me whom you voted for…I told him to ask you.

So, Mother I hope you understand if I don’t come to dinner tomorrow night. I just need a little time to get through this. Just a few days to mourn and find ways to move on and look ahead. This is not intended to hurt you in any way but it probably will and for that I am sorry. I know you’ll think I’m being very melodramatic but the truth is, this has really affected me gravely…and also many people in your life.

And I do hope that you are right and that great changes come. I hope that America gets stronger than ever and that our rights as people of all color and gender remain protected. I hope that the economy booms and people’s fears of nuclear war or Russia remain at a distance. I hope…I hope.

I will see you soon. And when I do, I will be finished with my laments. But who knows, maybe then it’s your turn to tell me how it is…but remember you kind of already did when you voted yesterday.   I love you, Mom.

Love,

Your daughter

P.S. I don’t think that if Grandpa were alive he would have been happy with the result of this election. I like to think that he of all people would know better. I could be wrong (one of us is wrong for sure), but Grandpa and Grandma were my heroes and I choose to keep it that way…so, I’ve decided that they would have voted for Hillary.

I know that many people in the United States are at a loss because of the outcome of this election. Many people I know including myself have been devastated with the results and I am certain that many family dinners across America are being missed or canceled because of our differences in political views. We will get through this as we always do…no matter how seemingly foggy the road ahead. Love will prevail and families and the country will be united. We don’t stop loving and caring just because the new appointed leader is despicable. We rise above it. Our faith in people and the goodness in them shouldn’t change. As a matter of fact we should be more kind and forgiving because I know that anger will not restore our feelings of defeat. We also have to remember that democracy is about accepting that we are all different in so many ways and that those differences make us great if we see them without judgement. We have to believe in people and believe that people are good and that people are capable of change. And most importantly, LOVE. Love, love, and love some more.

I had so much hope but I guess I didn’t know America as I thought I did. I am sad, heartbroken, disappointed, worried, and in tears. If I could afford to live in the Philippines for the next four years I would, but it’s not any better there either politically. The truth is, we will get through this because we are Americans and that’s what we do. WE are strong and resilient. Nonetheless, today’s election is baffling to me. I couldn’t imagine any immigrant, woman, African-American, Muslim, man with any brains, or ANY American to vote the other way. But life is unpredictable and today is a true testament to how arbitrary life can be. Tonight, we made history for sure…history I will not be proud to tell my six-year old son tomorrow morning. Before he went to bed he said, “I hope Hillary wins.” He heard at school that Trump doesn’t want anyone in the USA who is from another country. He was worried about me. He knows I was born in the Philippines. I had to put his mind at ease and explained that I am an American citizen and that I am not going anywhere no matter who becomes president. Can you believe that children are worried about this Presidential Election, too?

I have many fears. What are we going to do when he appoints the next Supreme Court Justice and they turn over Roe v Wade and marriage equality? What will we do when Obamacare is no more…my sister has a 23 year old son who is on her insurance and a couple of my friends who have pre-existing condition? Should we care that the next leader of our country is sexist, racist, and unqualified for the job?

I don’t have anymore to say…I wish it were a joke or a nightmare that goes away when I wake up tomorrow. But I am afraid this is our future. Good night,  America and good luck to us all.